Some Scattered Thoughts

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The Threads

What are the threads that connect one thought to the next?

What about the thoughts that do not “fit in”?

Where do they belong? Where would they lead if I followed them to their conclusion?

(Do thoughts ever conclude? Or do they just repeat themselves in different ways? Trail off into the distance...)

What if every single thought you ever had was apart of an essay, and at the end of your life, you got to read every word? Would things make more sense, then? Or would you be even more confused?

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What Do You Want, Paul?

“Soooo... What do you want, Paul?”

Ahhhhhhh

It’s an incredible (and terrifying) feeling to be caught mid-stride. Somewhere, but nowhere all at once. Halfway there.... but also halfway NOT there.

You’re working hard, going places. Or so you suspect. But where exactly are you going? Are these new places any good? How will these new places treat you? Make you feel? Will you end up better off or worse?

Only time will tell.

Put me on the spot, ask me what I want in life, my career, or anything else, ask me what I’m working towards, and I won’t always give you a straight answer because I like to protect the journey until I’ve arrived at the end destination, knowing very well that I may trip and fall flat on my face somewhere along the way.

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A Conversation Between Two Men On A Boat

“Back and forth. Back and forth. There’s a rhythm to it all. But that doesn’t make it pleasant.”

I nod my head in agreement.

“Especially when you want to go against the grain, which will happen from time to time.

Remember: the tide is strong, but so are you. But you’re also probably not as strong as you think...”

He pats me on the shoulder. “You’re a one man show. Sometimes, you can’t do it all alone.

And that’s okay. That’s why you have me.”

“But I want to be my own man!”

“You are... but it’s only natural to need a little help here and there. Don’t be afraid to ask.”

“I don’t want to be a bother. I don’t want to be your burden.”

“You lift me up.... and I lift you up. That’s the way we roll. Nothing else to it. We’re in this together. The boat won’t stop rocking. But we have each other to hold on to.”

“Thank you for being there.”

“Thank you.”

On Being Happy

I have a hard time being content. The minute I am happy, I try to understand exactly what it is that I’m feeling and why which definitely ruins the vibe. What biological processes are going on inside my brain? Was it something I ate this morning? Is it all just my ego? Am I really happy at all if tomorrow I know I will not be? One question after another clogs up my brain to the point that I am no longer happy. I lose sight of exactly what it was that I sought out to investigate in the first place.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that not everything warrants a line of questioning, especially if that line of questioning takes you out of the moment... and that moment is pleasant enough on it’s own. Sometimes, things just are. A feeling is just a feeling. But a feeling on its own is also more than enough to run with... Next time a question pops into your head, ask yourself, what is it that I’m hoping to accomplish?

Cling onto those tiny moments of happiness before they pass you by and do not question them too deeply. For these moments are what make life worth living.