Too Much Coffee: Sorry, I'm Flaky

Hey, I’m sorry I’m flaky.

Bailing on plans at the last minute. Not texting last. Leaving you on read. I’m sorry. I suck.

But I don’t know if I can help it. It would require too much of a fight. A fight I don’t know if it’s worth putting up. Because I’m content being the flaky ass person I am.

Please take no offense. If you’re reading this, I love you. Or a least there is a 50% chance that that is the case. I don’t love everybody. And the other half I feel neutral about.

What I’m trying to say, but perhaps failing to say, is that you shouldn’t be insulted if I cancel plans, let you text last, or leave you on read. Odds are, I love you. I just get busy. Sometimes, with work. Other times, with family. Or maybe, I’m just busy twiddling my thumbs somewhere wondering if I should respond or not.

Social anxiety is a very fun thing #sarcasm. Did your latest text warrant a response? Am I coming across as too needy? Will meeting up be awkward? My head is full of thoughts at any given moment... a large number of which are gibberish, and the other half of which includes deep, dark speculations in regards to my status with other people. So rest assured, my lack of reciprocation towards your attempts at befriending  me is merely an indication of my own deep-rooted, messy insecurities and has nothing to do with you. Or at least I don’t think it does. Sorry, I’m being flaky, again.

My opinions and thoughts also waver in the wind at any fleeting moment. I think this. I think that. Say any idea, and odds are I’ve thought it at one point. Likely discarded. Pushed aside as a mechanism for my survival. I’m always in need of cleansing. My mind is constantly full... overpacked beyond capacity. But somehow empty of valuable material. There’s a lot of shit in there. It’s quite foggy...


Anyway, I’m going off on a tangent... Point is, take no offense to my flakiness. I’m a flake. I can’t help it. If anything, offer me pity.

This rant was one hell of an excuse.

#TOOMUCHCOFFEE The results of too much early morning coffee and fingers typing furiously on an iPhone, this is the fourth part of this series.  

Too Much Coffee Part 1
Too Much Coffee Part 2
Too Much Coffee Part 3