Something Pointless

By Nathan Dumlao

Question for you: Is there a point to this? (Does there need to be?)
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I’ve written nothing this week that I’d like to share. So let me string together something pointless. You shouldn’t care. Because I don’t care. There’s nothing here but words. And, perhaps, a small amount of guilt. This week, I’ve done/thought nothing worth saying. Or at least I don’t have the concentration in me at the moment to pull anything cohesive together.

So let me offer you these words. Light, airy, and empty. Let me pretend that there’s something underneath them. Some deeper, greater meaning. It makes me feel better. But I apologize in advance if you’re wasting your time reading this.

I don’t know what it is - but for some reason I can’t seem to pull anything together this week. I’ll begin to write something... I’ll edit. But then it will all fall apart. It will feel derivative. Confusing. And if I am confused, how can I expect anyone who reads my words to understand?

So I’ll start writing. And stop. Start and stop, again. Had I found a way to make each individual start and stop work, I’d have more writings to share than previous weeks. But, alas, I have not found ways to make each work. Or maybe I’m just too tired to figure it all out. Or... maybe I just have nothing to say that hasn’t been said already.

That brings to mind a great question... have I exhausted everything.... have I told all/enough of my story? Is there no more left that I’d like to share? Or...maybe it’s not that there’s no more left that I’d like to share, but it’s that I need to move forward in my life and find new experiences that will inspire me?

I’m quite busy. But busy is not the same as productive or efficient. Perhaps, I need to explore new ground. In the words of the wise Ms. Frizzle from the Magic School Bus, maybe I need to "take [more] chances, make mistakes, and get messy."

It could also be that I’ve become to busy to breathe. I’m racing forward to the detriment of my own creativity. Perhaps, I need to pace myself. Set aside time for self-care. Leave room for breath. After all, I am doing this for me. My writing is built to serve me. I can’t lose sight of this... I should not box myself in to the degree that I feel pressure to deliver, to the point that I feel suffocated and my writing feels forced.. But, on the other hand, I would like to discipline myself to write on a weekly basis.

As this week comes to a close, this is all I have to offer. It’s not much. At least I don’t think there is much here. I’m writing just for the sake of writing. Exactly what I don’t want to do. But at least it’s something. Sometimes, settling for something is better than settling for nothing at all.

 It is what it is.

Originally written 3/22/19