Dancer Identity Crisis: Am I Still A Dancer/Does It Matter?

Answer this, because I need validation - am I still a dancer?

This question in of itself is ridden with insecurities, but I am pushed to ask it, nonetheless

Two years removed from college, there’s this lingering guilt that I am not a “dancer” any longer - that I am not DOING enough to sustain the dancer life. That I do not deserve the title of dancer anymore. That I have not earned it. That I must move MORE. That I must take class MORE. Seek opportunities and audition MORE. Perform MORE. My failure to do ANY of these MORE and some NOT AT ALL bring me to mourn the death of my dancer identity.

I can’t help but feel that I’ve DISAPPOINTED an earlier version of myself with years of dedication to dance. You see, I’ve danced since the age of 7, starting off as a competition dancer, floating from one local studio to the next on Long Island in pursuit of the best training. At around 10 years old, I performed my own choreography for the first time. After taking a short hiatus from dancing, I studied dance in college. Tap was my forte, but contemporary became my love. I rediscovered myself. Validated myself. The world of improvisation drew me to a peak in self-expression and mind-body integration... I would not trade any of these experiences for anything, as they have enriched my life with a sense of community and opportunities for creative release, and have played a vital role in my development and self-growth as a person.

This all brings me to where I am now. Where life has stepped in, reorganized my daily routine, responsibilities, and, admittedly, past times. In effect, despite choosing a career connected to the dance world, my direct involvement in dance has dwindled.

So am I still a dancer?

By most practical definitions, I am NOT a dancer anymore. But, in my heart, I know I AM. At the core of my being, I know that dance is inseparable from me. That dance- MY dance - past, present and future - is a manifestation of MY life force. And, that as long as I live, the dance in me is also alive. DANCING LESS does NOT mean my life is DANCELESS. I say, once a dancer, always a dancer - it is in your blood.

So even if the rest of the world does not see it this way, I know MY truth. I AM a dancer. I LOVE dance. And I AM WORTHY. You can't take that away from me with a label. I won't let you.