On Composure And Breaking Free

Question for you: Do you have a hard time sitting still?
--

So surprise plot twist - the series of 6 dance composition classes I was taking ended, but then spawned into another series of 6 classes. This time, the group is tiny. (Perhaps because the registration was all botched up online - I’m still unable to register - and this week will be the second class.) So I’m still not on the official enrollment list. But this hasn’t and won’t stop me from coming. I’m doing this for me.

Anyway, last week, we were given a home work assignment... to find 20 minutes for ourselves... unplugged from any electronic device, and observe our surroundings and the “motion” in the world around us. From this, we were to find some something to grab onto... and run with it. Let that something inspire us to pull together a small composition that we will share with each other next class. For a bit, I struggled with this assignment and finding something I felt worthy to work off of. And then, this past weekend, while sitting at my local barbershop waiting for my turn to get my haircut, I caught myself observing an antsy, young boy waiting for his own turn... swinging his arm idly back and forth. I sorta wanted to do the same at the moment.... or at least something along those lines. I wanted to (and always want to) keep moving. I abhor sitting still.

This brought me to think to ideas of composing... “composure” as a word in itself, a discussion we brought up in our first dance composition session. What does it mean to compose/to be composed? For me, there is this idea of structure and organization. Of something being uniform and easily repeatable. There’s less freedom there... than something like improvisation. I imagine a series of soldiers lined up side by side against a wall or marching in a parade or on a battlefield. In sync. Together. Individual differences washed away....

And then, I think back to the antsy, young boy fidgeting while waiting for his haircut... and my own continuous potential energy.... And how I and most adults feel the need to contain it. Perhaps, it’s because the world needs structure and order to survive? But is that really human? Are our spirits meant to be tamed? Are we meant to stay composed? My heart tells me no.

Linking back to our homework assignment.... I guess the boy did, in fact, inspire me. The movement was so simple... yet sparked such a complex discussion in my head. As a choreographer... a writer...an artist.... I want to play with this idea more. The difference between free play and composure... and how these vastly different elements can be combined into something cohesive and thoughtful....

If I’m to take a larger lesson from this into my own life.... I want to hold onto my own youthful energy and desire to do things... and continually find spaces in my life where I can bring this into action. Whether that be on this blog... or in choreography. This energy drives me. Makes me happy. Gives me purpose. And reminds me I’m alive. It’s my job to feed into it and keep it going.