Stay Away, Don't Touch Me! The Haunting of Hill House

I’ve started watching the new Netflix series The Haunting of Hill House. Only three episodes in, but I highly recommend it. It’s deep, dark, and satisfying. It’s a supernatural thriller at its core, but the dark psychological themes are what really set it apart and grip my attention           

On a personal level, the character of Theo really speaks to me. Episode three, "Touch" delves into Theo as a character, alternating between her past childhood at the haunted Hill House and the present. We learn of Theo’s curious gift/curse to feel others- to pick up on their energies, emotions, and thoughts through physical touch, and how that has impacted her growth into the adult she is today.

While adult Theo’s stoic facial expressions and avoidance of others might suggest apathy and disconnect, in reality, Theo is highly emotionally aware and connected. Theo has just felt so much that she learns to shut it all out and avoid emotional intimacy with others. Perhaps the most symbolic representation of Theo suppressing her connection to others is evident in Theo’s relationship to the gloves her mother gives her. Theo choses to wear these religiously, to avoid touch, keep her feelings muted, and effectively insulate herself from the world. She feigns detachment for her own survival.

I’m drawn to think of myself as a growing adult. Try hugging me a few years ago, and I’d instinctively flinch away. I couldn’t help it. Try and engage me in conversation, and I’d keep it simple, short, and shallow. I was guarded. Like Theo, I built a solid brick wall of protection around myself. I had a loving, comfortable relationship with my family and a happy childhood, mind you. But building trust with strangers was a tough task for me. It took years of spending time together with my best friends of now before I’d even label them friends.

Why all of this?

As a child, like Theo, I also felt and saw too much in those around me. I’d pick up on emotions and notice little details in others such as side glances and veiled intentions… I’d see through people. In addition to this personal sensitivity, I was raised in a sheltered, faith-based environment where I was taught to be cynical of the ways of the world around me and the people in it. Accordingly, I became skeptical of "strangers" outside the bubble of my immediate family. I learned to make myself impervious the only way I knew how. I blocked people out. It became a mechanism for my survival. I became a Theo…